Tej is off to an IPL Match with dad and the cuz.

I really do not like to be without my husband on a Sunday night. It depresses me to no end.  So i did the next best thing or actually the first best thing, call my favourite person in the world - my mom.

Wow, don't we all have so many favourite , mom, dad, sis, bro, spouse, kids, friends and the pets ?
We are indeed very lucky. Or visit a favourite store or joint or hit the gym or reach out to the favourite song, movie or radio show. Or indeed reach out to our favourite blogs and youtube videos. Oh wow, we do have so many favourite things we could do. Now, this certainly reminds me of  - these a few of my favourite things.

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Not one day goes without me screaming at the kids. Though i am finally begun to see light. I have been seeing the light for quite sometime but looks like the I'm almost at the end of the tunnel. It feels like i have found some purpose in all these parenting days. since the kids do not want me any more, i just feel like they are not as important and i spent all my waking moments only thinking about them. Like there was no me, no tomorrow.

Only everything belonged to the children. Every penny earned was best spent on the children. Literally everything was my children. But of late, i feel like i have become quite selfish. i am actually starting to think about me. I actually feel i could go to the salon and to the gym in their time. This believe me, was unthinkable a few weeks back. a few months back. Am not sure how this happened, but oh yes, probably i do, or may be its just a theory.

Everyone around me dresses super well and are actually super groomed. So me with my flabby self was not cutting out anymore. And my husband drilling into me to leave the kids alone and that i do not have a life and hence clinging on to them is making them miserable and me also a miserable person. Then the kids not wanting to hang out with me, but with their friends rather.

And all this prompted me to loosen up my hold on the kids ever so lightly every day that after a few months now, I am actually leaving them to spend two hours on their own, while i go around doing my thing. Also probably my philosophy in life is also changing.

I want them to grow, to make mistakes and to fall and me to be there, when they need me. I want them to live their life. i do feel selfish if i am not with them 24 hours, but i think i am at a point that I would be really selfish, unwanted and uninvited if i am with them 24 hours. How quickly the tables have turned. My son all of 9 years, i didnt even know when he didn't need me any more as i had the twins to look after. Now that my twins turned 7, I only see this closed door and i am supposed to knock and wait, till i am allowed to enter or talked to, at the door.

Oh, i just feel so awful !!

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